Mom's Trip to the ER

Mom had muscle pains in the muscles attached to the top of her rib cage and collar bones. They were sharp piercing pains which were worse when she breathed in and out. They could be controlled by pain killers and moving slower. She’d been moving boxes from one storage stall to the other for the past two days and she’s more than a little stressed. They persisted for a few days so she was worried. Finally, she called the 800 Nurse on the back of her insurance card and asked what to do.
She heard: ‘chest pains’ out of that whole description, but she said it didn’t sound like a heart attack. However if someone has chest pains you send them to the hospital period, end of story. If you don’t and it is a heart attack, then you get sued big time. “Just in case,” she told Mom.
So we went down to the emergency room in Auburn.
In triage they heard ‘chest pains’ and also ‘good insurance’ but still we waited for 1.5 hours to get in to see a doctor. There was a long line, you see, and lots of ambulances coming and going which you couldn’t see from where we were.
The doctor said, “It doesn’t sound like anything more than pulled muscles, all the evidence suggests I should just give you pain medications and send you home, but this is the emergency room and here we must handle ‘chest pains’ by thoroughly checking that it is not your heart. So I will give you a blood test, an electrocardiogram, and a CT Scan before I release you.”
So we read our books for an hour then they came by and took her for one of the above. He came back and said “All clear on that one. Here have some morphine for the pain.”
So we read our books for an hour then they came by and took her for another one of the above. He came back and said “All clear on that one.”
So we read our books for an hour then they came by and took her for the last one of the above. He came back and said “All clear on that one. You can go home.”
It was now 2:15 am in the morning. We’d arrived at 6:45pm.
The next day Mom went to her primary care doctor who said, “Yep, muscle pain and stress. FYI that machine of yours you are walking around in has been running for over 60 years—go easy on it. No lifting. That’s what young people are for.”
Memo to Dr. Turner from this machine I’m walking around in: “Thanks a lot! Ouch!”
So let’s look back on this experience…they say:

Single payer will mean long lines

• long lines now, check

Single Payer will mean tons of bureaucracy

• Triage—scanned insurance card
• Second Triage—signed some papers
• While lying in room—paid $75 co-pay for emergency room visits
• Tons of just-in-case policy-says tests—there until 2:30am
• Need I say more?

Government will mess it up

• Someone with chest pains waits for 1.5 hours to be seen, I think we’re doing a fine job of messing it up already.

My Bucket List

No, I don’t have terminal cancer like in the movie, but Mom encouraged me to do this the other day because, right now, I’m feeling adrift in the waters of life. It’s time to get my boat pointed in a direction and go.
The nice thing about a healthy person’s bucket list I find is that they can be filled with single experiences like the movie as well as life-long goals.
Without further ado, here are the things I’d like to do before I kick the bucket:
1. Own someplace to make and perform with puppets
2. Pass the Level 3 Japanese proficiency test
3. Go to an international puppetry festival
4. See the Great Wall of China
5. Visit Australia
6. Write a novel
7. Make a self-published book online
8. Build a Punch and Judy set of puppets
9. Enter a puppetry competition for an award
10. Go back to Japan
11. Visit Outer Space (why not?)
12. Find & Frequent my own Harmonia Gardens or Cheers bar
13. Make a Victorian Costume
14. Go on a Kayak overnight trip
15. Perform in another Shakespearian Play
16. Make a YouTube Web Show
17. Live in a really big city for a while